The Unspoken Rules Of Visiting Friends In Nigeria
Taiwo Ayandeyi
Growing up in Nigeria, there were certain things you just knew about visiting someone’s home. No one sat you down to teach you these rules; they were as natural as knowing that jollof is incomplete without some kind of meat on the side. But when I finally invited a friend who had just moved back to Nigeria to tag along on one of my Saturday visits, I quickly realized how many of these unspoken rules I had taken for granted.
Rule #1: Announce Your Presence
In Nigeria, you don’t just show up, even if you’re already at the gate. We’re all about “respect,” so before stepping inside, you either knock or call out. I always do the classic “ko ko ko, anybody home?” as I walk through the door, announcing my presence. But my friend? He waltzed right in, no knock, no call. Auntie Blessing gave him a side-eye that said a thousand things without a word. “It’s respectful to knock, even if the door’s open,” I whispered. He nodded, looking a bit confused, but lesson learned
Rule #2: “Have You Eaten?” Means More Than You Think
In Nigeria, when you visit, the first question is never “How are you?” It’s always, “Have you eaten?” To some, it might seem like small talk, but it’s serious business. The “have you eaten?” is actually a test of humility and also a generous offer. I knew better than to say yes too quickly. Instead, I told Auntie Blessing, “Ah, I’ve had a small something, but if you have anything small, I can manage.”
My friend? He thought it was just a polite question. He said he wasn’t hungry—and he meant it. Auntie Blessing looked at him like he’d just rejected her life’s work. In Nigeria, you always eat, even if it’s just a small plate. The moral? Always leave room for “a small something.”
Rule #3: Watch Your Words About Their Home
There’s an art to commenting on someone’s home in Nigeria. You don’t go in saying, “Wow, it’s small” or “Oh, I didn’t expect this decor.” Instead, you admire whatever you see, whether it’s a new TV stand or a plastic flowerpot. I went in with a compliment ready: “Auntie, this your place is just fine, very cozy.” She beamed with pride.
But my friend? He made the rookie mistake of asking, “Oh, is this rented or owned?” I shot him a quick look, and Auntie Blessing’s polite smile turned frosty. In Nigeria, home is home, and unless someone volunteers that information, you never ask.
Rule #4: Prepare for the ‘Just Gisting’ Marathon
In Nigeria, visits are never short and sweet. Once you’re there, expect at least an hour or two of conversation, sprinkled with questions about “the family”, “work”, and “the economy”. My friend had no idea. Thirty minutes in, he glanced at his watch, looking ready to leave. Auntie Blessing caught on and asked, “Ah ah, are you in a hurry?” There’s a code here: you don’t leave quickly unless it’s an emergency or you want them to feel bad.
When she finally gave us permission to go, we had been there for over an hour, and she sent us off with packed food “for the road.” My friend, bless him, was both surprised and grateful, clearly not realizing that no one leaves a Nigerian household empty-handed.
Rule #5: Always Say “Thank You” Before You Go
As we stood up to leave, I nudged my friend and whispered, “Remember, Thank you, ma, for everything.” Even if they gave you a glass of water and nothing else, you thank them as though you’d just been treated to a five-course meal. He followed my lead, and I could see Auntie Blessing’s expression soften. A proper goodbye in Nigeria is part gratitude, part respect, and 100% necessary.
As we finally left, my friend shook his head, both amused and enlightened. “I had no idea visiting a friend could be like that.” I laughed, knowing he’d just had his first real initiation into Naija life. Visiting friends in Nigeria isn’t just a drop-in; it’s a ritual, a cultural experience that teaches you respect, gratitude, and the beauty of hospitality in our own unique way.
